itsAnimesh’s posterous!!!

A middle-aged couple, Joanne and Bob, moved to Texas. Bob had always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife “Notice anything different about me?”

Joanne looked him over. “Nope” was all she said, and went back to what she was doing.

Frustrated, Bob stormed off to the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for his new boots.

Again he asked Joanne, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different now?”

Joanne looked up and exclaimed, “Bob, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow!”

Furious, Bob said, “And do you know why it’s hanging down, Joanne?”

“Nope”, she replied.

“It’s hanging down, because it’s looking at my new Cowboy Boots!”

Without changing her expression, Joanne replied, “You shoulda' bought a hat, Bob. You shoulda bought a hat…”

A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip.

He didn’t do well and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they’d have to drastically alter their life-style.

The wife, accustomed to a luxurious lifestyle was concerned and asked “What kind of changes are we talking about?”

“Well,” he started out thoughtfully. “If you’ll just learn to cook, we can fire the chef.”

The wife was not happy hearing this and said “Okay, and if you learn how to make love, we can fire the gardener too.”

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said,

“Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!”

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night”

“Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?” She asked.

John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”

She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”

The following is a verbal exchange that depicts typical respect for Superior Officers in the Military:

Officer: “Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?”

Soldier: “Sure, buddy.”

Officer: “That’s no way to address an officer! Let’s try it again. Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?”

Soldier: “Sir! No, sir!”

A crusty old man walks into the local Church and says to the secretary, “I would like to join this damn church.”

The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?”

“Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!”

“I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church.” The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor’s study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, “Sir, what seems to be the problem here?”

“There is no damn problem,” the man says. “I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money.”

“I see,” said the pastor. “And this bitch is giving you a hard time?”

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her nine year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman’s husband also comes home.

She puts her Lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, “Dark in here.”

The man says, “Yes, it is.”

“I have a baseball.” said the boy.

“That’s nice.”

The boy asks, “Want to buy it?”

“No, thanks.” the man says.

“My dad’s outside.” the boy said.

“OK, how much?”

“$250.” says the boy.

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

The boy says, “Dark in here.”

“Yes, it is.”

“I have a baseball glove.” said the boy.

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”

The boy says, “$750.”

“Sold.” says the man.

A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go outside and play catch.”

The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.”

The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”

The boy said “A thousand dollars”

The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, “Dark in here.”

The priest says, “Don’t start that again. You’re in my closet now.”

As they approached Chandigarh number 1 runway, the tower heard:

PILOT – Oh Teri Behn Di !!! Will you look how freaking short this runway is ?

CO-PILOT –  Oye Bante, you're right ... Eh Ki Hai ?

PILOT – This is gonna be one a the trickiest landings ever, Sante !

CO-PILOT – We're doomed !!

PILOT – Right, Santa, when I say ‘go’ put the engine in reverse !!

CO-PILOT – Aaho, I’ll do that !!

PILOT – And then put the flaps down!!

CO-PILOT – Aaho, I’ll do that, too!!

PILOT – And then stamp on the brakes as hard as you can and pray to Wahe Guru to save us all !!

CO-PILOT – I’m prayin already, and I’ll hit the brakes as hard as I can ....

So, as the wheels hit the ground, Santa put the engines in reverse, puts the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and continued to pray with all his soul.

The brakes screeched, the tires squealed,and there was smoke everywhere, but, to the relief of all the passengers, and, not least of all, Santa and Banta, the aircraft came to a stop a few meters from the end of the runway!!

As Santa and Banta sat in the cockpit regaining some composure,

Banta looked out of the window and said to Santa, “This has got to be the shortest fuckin' runway in the world!”

Santa replied, “Yeah, but do you see how fuckin' wide it is?”