Over the past several years, we have all learned to live with IVRS
-'Inter-active Voice Response System' as a necessary part of modern
life.

I was just wondering what would happen if God decides to go hi-tech
and installs voicemail? I gave it a lot of thought and came up with
various scenarios: Let us imagine a scenario.

You dialed God's number. 'Hi! Thank you for calling God. Please select
one of the following:
If you are Christian, dial 1
All Hindus, dial 2
All Muslims, dial 3
All others, dial 0.'

So, let’s say you are a Hindu and you dialed 2. Here is what you hear:
Press 1 for Requests
Press 2 for Thank you messages for God
Press 3 for Complaints about unfulfilled promises
Press 4 for All other inquiries.
If your prayers are still not answered, dial '0' and ask for Naradmuni.'

Or, if all Gods were busy, you might hear this: 'We are sorry, all our
Gods are busy helping other Bhaktas and Sinners. However, your prayer
is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.
Please stay on line. One of the Gods will be with you soon.'

Or, it could even go this way when you start praying: 'If you know
your God's extension, dial it now.'

Or, you might hear this:
'If you would like to speak to Ganeshji, Press 1.
For Lord Hanuman, Press 2.
For Lord Krishna, Press 3.
To confess your sins, press 4.
To ask for favours, Press 5.'

Or, you might even hear this:'You have reached Lord Krishna's
extension. I am going to be away to conduct a special yuddha to save
the humanity and will be away until the year 2012.If this is something
urgent and cannot wait until then, call Shankar at GB +44
779000020000 Call.
If you want to speak to someone else, for other gods' directory, Press 6 now.'

Or you might even hear something like this if you call toward the end
of your life cycle: 'If you think you have reservations at our
Heavenly Resort, please provide your name, social security number and
be ready to provide the proof of your eligibility. If you do not have
the proof of eligibility, please dial 420-HELL and ask for General
Manager Ravana, who will be happy to help you.'

Or, depending on the purpose of your call, you might hear this: 'If
you are calling to find out if a loved one has been assigned to
Heaven, Press 5, enter his or her 'mantra' number, then press the 0
key. If you get a negative response, try area code 420-HELL.'

For all you know in this day and age of quotas and all, .you might
even get a response like this: 'Our computer records show that you
have already prayed once today. Please hang up and try again
tomorrow.'

Or you might even here this if you call on the wrong day: 'This Main
Office of Heaven is closed for the holidays. If this is an emergency,
you may try our Himalayan Retreat in the mean time by dialing
6000-31,000.'

So, let us hope and pray that God never learns about computers -
because if he does, we are in Big trouble!--

Sent from my iPhone®

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."

The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

Two best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel.

Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors".
The town council was livid and insisted they change it.

So, the docs changed it to read: "Schizoids and Haemorrhoids." This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign. "Catatonics and High Colonics"......No go.

Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives"....thumbs down again.

Then came "Minds and Behinds"....still no good.

Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes".......unacceptable again!

So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts".....not a chance.

"Nuts and Butts".....no way.

"Freaks and Cheeks".....still no good.

"Loons and Moons".....forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones--Odds and Ends".

Everyone loved it.